This post is a preface to the post I wrote for Elizabeth at E, Myself and I and her "Making it work as a working mom" series. I wrote about Making Time for Yourself as a working mom and it should go up sometime this week, I will definitely link to it from here.
It is funny to me to label myself that way because I do not know any moms who do not work. My mom did not work outside our home, but she worked her butt off every day to take care of us. I give a lot of credit to moms who stay home with their kids. It took me some time, but I have slowly come to the realization that it is not something I would be good at doing.
Before I was pregnant with Avery, I was positive I had to work. When I was pregnant with her, I had every intention of going back to work. (and I was told when I returned from maternity leave there was a bet that I would not come back- hahaha! I do love to prove people wrong) I took 4 months off after she was born and by the third month, I was itching to get back to my office, my job, my responsibilities outside of feeding, changing, clothing a baby and trying to keep our house from being condemned (thank you baby jesus for my husband). I don't know what kind of person that makes me and honestly, does it really matter? People will judge you regardless of who you are or what you do.
It was about a month into being back to work full time and I started to get this overwhelming need to stay home. And for a good year or so, it was a desire that consumed me. It made me resent my husband because I thought "if only he made more money" and it made me resent my friends that stayed home. I prayed about it daily, sometimes hourly. I asked the Lord to make this happen. I gave it to Him and worked very hard in keeping my faith that He would do what was best for me and for my family.
As you may have realized, this prayer was not answered. At least in the way I thought I wanted. What He did was reveal to me what I may think is best, isn't always. A real epiphany, I know. I think I need to work. I need something outside of our house and our family to keep me fulfilled. I love my child but could I spend 24 hours/ 7 days a week with her? No. Well, I could but I don't think it would be good for either of us. Avery loves spending the day with my sister. She asks for her every night. They are really close. My sister loves kids and has the patience of a saint.
I never want this to come across that my child is not enough, or being a mom is not enough, or those that do find complete fulfillment in being a homemaker and staying home with their kids are weird or wrong. Because none of that is true. Avery is more than I could have dreamed of or asked for and being a mom is the best thing I have ever done, hands down. I have a suspicion that most people would not find my job, working with cars and car paint, particularly fulfilling. And that is OK. Different strokes for different folks, or something like that.
The thing is, this "thing" we are doing, being moms, is every contradiction possible. But we are doing it, and doing it our own way, finding our way.
So a fist bump to you mamas that stay home and to you mamas that have a job outside your home. We all have one big thing in common, we are mothers.