This time next week I will be freezing my bums off in Germany. Since I am going for work, I do not expect a lot of sightseeing but I did map out the shopping areas in the town I am staying in so I hope to get to one of them in between meetings or at the end of the day.
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed at all I have to do to get ready for this trip. Not only do I have to get all MY stuff in order, at work and at home, but I have to make sure the Husband and Child do not starve and have clean undies/onesies. Good thing I love to make lists.
This will be the first time I will be away from Avery for over 24 hours. And while I KNOW she and I both need a break from one another (bad), it is still hard. As my anxiety grows with the looming thought of flying for! 8! hours! so does the thought that if something were to happen to her, God forbid, or The Husband, will I be able to get home "in time"?
I know it is one of those Let Go, Let God situations (and pop a Xanax or two, washed down with a strong rum and coke - let's be honest, that is the only way I fly) and I am really trying to. It's one of those weaknesses we have to keep our eyes on Him. I am OK with that because it is a testimony to others and most especially, to myself. Bible thumping done.
Back to needing a break from my child. I am the kind of person that needs breaks from people, I need to miss them. My best friend (since we were 7) and I learned the meaning of "taking a break" early on in life as we would spend so much time together we would want to kill each other. And while our mothers' new this bit of wisdom, it took E and I over a decade to realize, I think. The Husband is probably one of the only people on the earth that I do not feel this way about and we have been together for 10 years.
But my child? My spawn who carries 1/4 of my genes and is in some ways very much like me, even at 21 months old? We need a break. And yes, I do work full time and I am seeing more and more how what I once so desperately wanted - to stay home with my kid(s)- may not be the best for me, for US.
In the past month, she has begun teething, getting her 2 year old molars. And the terrible 2's have started to creep in. Pssshht, who am I kiddin? I swear this kid is possessed or the first bipolar one year old. I can deal with the "no,no,no,no"s and the limp noodle, drop on the ground. I am having a really hard time with the blood curdling screams. So are my ear drums. I have to clean my ears out at least twice a day because my body is producing so much wax to protect my hearing from Regan MacNeil.
When we are home, it is not so bad because I put her in her crib, close the door, turn on the air purifier in the hallway and go downstairs and turn the TV up or go out side and take some deep breaths - any place I cannot hear the screaming. But when we are out in public? What do you do? I have no problem ignoring the fit, remember I am the oldest of 6 kids, it is a survival skill. I just feel bad for everyone else around. I know it is just a stage, but dang...I still look at her and see that sweet little babe who smiled and cooed, who slept like a champ from 2 weeks, and rarely cried or fussed.
I guess until I see her head spin around and she projectile vomits pea soup, I know we just have to ride this one out.
What am I doing complaining about my perfect blessing of a child? This is real. And no sugarcoating. Thank God the good days out weigh the bad 7 times 70.
Must get back to my list making. Prayers for all of us that we survive this next week!