Pugs for Sale

Alternately titled: I am going to lose my mind.

Today I woke up 45 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. And when your alarm is already set at an ungodly hour, waking up earlier than it is torture.

You may be asking what it was that woke me up. Well, it was a lovely combination of a really bad dream (thanks pregnancy) and a sneezing attack, plus itchy fluid in my ears. Oh, and I had to pee for the 100^th time.

I finally accepted defeat after trying to go back to sleep, only to jump right back into the bad dream where I had left off. So I went downstairs and started my normal Tuesday morning routine (I work from home on Tuesday morning and then drop Avery at preschool and head into the office). Everything was fine, we all went about our regular routine. It seemed to all hit the fan as soon as Ryan left for work.

See, Avery has this new thing with mauling the pugs. Dragging them around, ripping them by their tail, scruffs of fur, legs, ears, trying to get them to play with her, or lay down to sleep. Malcolm will usually bite her – don’t worry, he only has about 3 teeth left so he doesn’t do much damage, but Parker just takes it and takes it and I know one day, Avery is really going to hurt her. I’ve already taken her to the vet once because “something heavy fell on her back”. It was mostly likely a pile drive from a certain toddler.

When I am not screaming at Avery to leave the damn dogs alone, I am screaming at the damn dogs to get out of the living room. Today, I was ready to lose my mind! Avery also like to roll around in their dog beds or on the crusty kitchen floor AFTER she is dressed and we are ready to leave the house. So usually we leave and she stinks like dog and is covered in dog hair. It’s gross.

The thing with pugs, at least MY pugs, are they are stinky little creatures. Their breath is horrendous and they just stink – mostly like corn chips but sometimes just dog funk. I guess it is because of their wrinkles and rolls on their face that collects all the snot and gross moisture that really gets the stink going. I do admit that I could keep better care of them, bathing more regularly, cleaning their face wrinkles (some people say daily – I say hahahahahahahaha), wash their bedding more often, brush their teeth – but really, I don’t have the time for all that. At least not at the frequency that will actually make a difference.

I am now admitting that 3 dogs are just too much.(and very comfortable with our decision to stop at 2 kids) Too much dirt, too much stink, too much! I have resigned myself to the fact that our house will never be truly clean again until we reduce the number of four legged freaks in our house. Seriously, I can clean that house like a mutha, and within 24 hours it is dirty again. I am all like “what’s is the point?” these days. It helps build immunities, right? My friends probably think I am so rude because I never invite them over, but honestly, I don’t even like being at my house, why would they want to be there? I totally gave up on housecleaners because I felt like my $ would have been spent better by shredding it up and mixing it in the dogs’ food.

While I had many thoughts of swinging by the SPCA this morning on my way to work, realistically, even in my craziest pregnancy moments, I could not get rid of those dogs. Will I be as upset when they finally kick the bucket (mind you, pugs live until 15 years old on average – Malcolm is 10, Parker is 9, and Grover will be 5 – so we have some time)? Probably not as bad as would have been a few years ago. The circle of life, right?

I am sure this will come off to you dog lovers out there as completely horrible. And maybe it is. But at this stage of my pregnancy, my usual zero bullshit tolerance has dropped to the negatives – kind of like our frigid weather – when will winter end for cryin’ out loud?!?!?!? But I do like my dogs, I do! I just think that maybe I have a little too much on my plate at the moment and unfortunately, they are the easiest to blame since they offer the biggest nuisance on a daily basis.

Plus, I’ve had a headache all day. And I cannot shake that bad dream. And people are annoying the hell out of me at work. Today is a day I wish I could go home and have a drink. Because that will most definitely help the headache.