One of those days...

Today was just one of those days...I should be in bed now, but here I am, spilling my guts to no one.

Monday through Thursday I am up at 5am to be at work by 6am so I can leave and get home by 3pm. Fridays I work at home but am up by 6 so that I can get some work in before Avery is up. Needless to say, by Thursday afternoon, I am beat. Avery will usually take a nap with me when I get home. Then I feed her, the pugs, and make dinner. (I do have to say I am very grateful that I work for a company that is flexible and works with MY schedule)

Today was not one of those nap days. From the time my sister left, about 3:30, and I am so very fortunate and grateful that my sister is able to watch Avery while Ryan and I work. I don't know what I would do without her. Anyway, from the time she left, Avery screamed for 2 straight hours! I almost lost my mind. There was NOTHING I could do to console her. It was just horrible.

I have a sneaking suspicion that her 2 top teeth are breaking through...I am praying that they come through fast and her pain is minimal.

It is not easy being 8.5 months old :-(

xoxo

Expectations

I've been wanting to start a blog for sometime now but just never got around to it. It has taken me 2 months to get my first post on here published. But that is not to say I have not thought about it. I have about 5 blog topics running through my mind at any given moment. What I am struggling with is where do you draw the line? How much do you really share? Maybe I will have to wait for that answer if I ever get any readers.

I am an over sharer by default. Sometimes that filter that so many are equipped with totally. fails. me. And as the word vomit is dripping off my lips, I realized I should not have said what I said out loud. So I talk more to cover it up, like laying paper towels over said word vomit....but layering them on top over and over, like babbling on after you shove your foot in your mouth accomplishes about the same thing.

You said it. Own up to it. And apologize, if necessary.

Where the eff am I going with this? I think what I am trying to say write, is that when I put my thoughts out here in blog world, is there any room for error? It is like the original Super Mario brothers game how the screen just keeps moving you forward, no chance to grab that lone coin or bump the question block you KNOW has a feather that will help you fly.

I do not know what I even expect from this blog. Definitely not fame or fortune. A "friend" or two? Maybe. If someone would just read this thing. And not get offended by my bluntness or opinions. But I guess that is one of the beauties of blogs - if you don't like it, don't read it. And keep your mean, judgmental comments to yourself. I already judge myself harsher then anyone else could.

On my way home from work yesterday, I was thinking a lot about this blog. I kept coming back to "why am  I doing this?" "Should I really put myself out there?" But then I thought "I have a lot to say, a lot of the time, and whether anyone reads this or not, at least I am getting it out of my head". It is a good place to hold myself accountable. If I type it, I need to own up to it.

I am inspired by some of my favorite blogger - you can see them over there on the side bar -->.
These woman make my lunch time. I look forward to reading their blogs everyday while I shove food into my face. They have made me cry and laugh with them. I feel like we are friends. And at this point in my life, I feel like I need some friends. Don't get me wrong - I do have friends - some great girl friends that I love dearly and have been friends with since elementary, middle, and high school . But it seems like we are all in different places in our lives and we don't always time for one another. Ahhhh, such is life I guess.

Back to blog expectations. I guess I have to find my way through this. Figure out by trial and error. So for anyone reading this - thank you! And I hope you stay long enough to read the next post.

xoxo

Mind.Body.Soul. 2012

I have been thinking about what to write for this post for the past couple of days.

Do I recap Christmas? Nah.

New Years? Definitely not, as we were in bed by 11pm!

What has gotten in my way of writing is reflecting. On how I want to change for this new year. I'm talking total overhaul of mind, body, and soul.

That is it! I'll break it down to 3 categories...Mind - Body - Soul.

Mind - I would like to make a conscience effort to be more positive and stop letting my negativity get me down. Having the "glass is half empty" attitude is not doing anything for me - for my family, friends and definitely not the attitude I want to impress upon my daughter. (insert cute baby picture)

Body - 60 pounds. My body needs to be rid of 60 extra pounds that are also bringing me down. I am currently doing Weight watchers online and making my best effort to track every. single. thing. I put in my mouth. Also portion size is something I am working on, as it is one of my biggest downfalls and changes I need to make. I need to keep in mind that this will not happen overnight. It will take months. But if I stick to it, I will succeed. I will be happier and most importantly healthier. Again, I do not want to pass along my bad habits to my daughter. She has to be my biggest inspiration. Tonight, I will take measurements and Before pictures. I may not post them just yet but I would like to post progress for every 10lbs I lose.

Soul - To begin to attempt to change either of the above - I need to get my soul right. I know I am not capable of doing it on my own, I rely heavily on the Lord to get me through those negative thoughts or food cravings. And I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13. This year I will work hard to walk closer with God. And find a church. That will probably be the hardest but I have to let go of my previous experiences and forgive. So, if anyone does read this and can recommend a good, bible teaching church - please let me know!

A few other changes I need to make in 2012:

1- Pay more attention to my husband. Since this (not-so) little baby came into our lives, it has been ALL. ABOUT. HER! And I know that is typical but she wouldn't be here without Ryan.
2- Stay more organized. In ALL aspects of my life. It makes me saner when there is order. When I get overwhelmed, I drift and lose interest.
3- Take better care of my house, car and pugs. All 3 are a major part of my life and I need to treat them all with the respect they deserve.

I am sure there will be many more items I can add to this list as the year progresses but I am not trying to overwhelm myself (refer back to #2). I am praying that if I can stick to these 6 goals, all the other "stuff" will fall into place. I am trusting Jesus.

xoxo

Our first Santa encounter.

This her WTF look. But it is better then crying!

We met Ryan's cousin at a local pub that advertised this jolly guy was going to be there. It definitely beat standing in line at the hot, stinky mall for an hour with a bunch of screaming brats.

We had a nice lunch (honest-to-goodness Irish fare) and Santa sat upstairs and the servers let you know when it was your turn to go up and visit him.

Ryan and I both thought she was going to lose it but our girl proved us wrong (something I am sure we have to get used to sooner or later)

I plopped her down on his knee and she gave us a look at first:

She liked his beard and Irish brogue and when he came downstairs to walk around, she could not take her eyes off of him.









The rest of our weekend was the usual running around and never stopping and then it is Monday before you know it!

Friday was a trip to the peditrician for our 2nd round of flu shot (don't judge, like everything else in life, it is our choice as parents to protect our children in the best way possible.I won't judge you for NOT vaccinating your child) some running around and back to make and eat dinner then an exciting Friday night filling out Christmas card addresses and watching the Hangover II.  (Zach Galifanakis - you ROCK).

Saturday was a relaxed morning and then my sister and I took Avery and our cousin's kids (our 2nd cousins?) to Ikea. I could spend hours in Ikea, maybe live there if I had to. We had a cheap lunch, got some stuff we needed and probably even more of what we didn't need.

Mason, Avery, and Ana!

Avery and I had a few slices of pizza with Dada at a local pizza place then we went to see my best friend's son's ice hockey game. Avery LOVES sports - I am sure it all the action but I think it makes her Daddy proud. Then we went home and Avery stayed home with Ryan while my sister and I went to a Christmas party at my cousin's home. It snowed Saturday night, a light dusting but it made the roads pretty slick and any overpass was frozen so there were accidents  all over. My sister stayed over and we watched the Help. I love sister time. And I love my sister. I don't know what I would do without her. That is a whole other post to write.

That is our not-so-exciting weekend in a nutshell (or a long blog post). This is a short work week then I am off until January 3rd! Cannot wait! Not ready for Christmas but I am realizing I never am. It is always such a let down anyway....hoping Avery changes that for us!

Happy Monday!

xoxo

Dropping a Toddler

Not a true, live, human being toddler, but more the weight of a toddler (or two, in my case).

60 pounds ::GULP:: need to come off this 5'6" frame. And I have to admit, not one pound is baby weight. It is all lazy, eat-too-much-of-the-wrong-things and sit-on-your-fat-bum-8-hours-a-day-at-work weight.

I was already overweight when I got pregnant. I gained 30lbs while I was pregnant and then lost it all within 3 weeks of giving birth. (Possibly even more considering I was carrying around boobs that had to have weighed 10lbs - a piece)

But now? Yuck. My "fat" clothes are now everyday clothes - and even those are begging to be removed as soon as I walk through the door. We need a break from each other. The poor buttons on my pants have never worked so hard in their life. There are some days when I feel bad enough for them that I do the old pregnancy, rubber band trick.

That. Is. Pathetic.

My child is going to be 8 months old and I look like I'm carrying #2. (which I am NOT)


I have had many not-so-subtle indications that others think I am fat. Here is a short long list:

1. My step mother said she keeps my sister in so many sports and activities so she doesn't get "fat like her sisters"
2. A woman at our local mall called me a "fat pig" as I walked into the mall.
3. The nurse at my work that I went to see to get a flu shot asked when I was expecting. I asked her "Expecting what?"....and then I saw the look on her face that told me exactly when she thought I was expecting.
4. My pants.
5. My shirts.
6. My underwear. (and my underwear fit all through my pregnancy :()
7. My SCALE.
8. My Dr's scale.
9. My Dr's nurse as she handed me an informative article on BMI and the risks of being overweight.
    Upon further inspection, I realized none of the Overweight info pertained to ME because, according to my         BMI, I am Obese.YAY for me!
10. There is no longer any clear definition between my chin and my chest. Neck? what is that?
11. I gots a boobee-do. Not sure what a boobee-do is? It's when your gut sticks out further then your boobees do. (the male version is a dickie-do) And when your boobs are as big as mine, it means your gut needs to be pretty damn big to acquire one of these fine rewards of being a lazy, over-eater.

So what will I do? I have zero time to exercise and time I do have (between working, classes, and taking care of a baby) I want to spend with the baby. I have working mom guilt and feel like I need to spend as much time as I have with her.

First step, get control of my eating - which is truly my biggest issue. I am all signed-up for Weight Watchers online - now I just have to stick to it....you know, the easy part. Obsessively reading blogs on other people's weight loss is very motivating. I know this will not happen overnight. I am trying to focus on the smaller weight loss goals first, instead of getting overwhelmed and discouraged by the BIG number (I typed it once, not doing it again). I would like to lose 30 (or 1/2) by April.

Second step, move. For the next 4+ months, I will focus solely on changing my eating habits. When the weather gets nicer, I will being to walk because that is something I can do with the baby. I would love to eventually jog, but with my asthma that has never been easy for me - even when I was not a fatty.

Hopefully I can use this blog to track my weightloss and keep me accountable (to whom I am not sure as I have no readers) not just for baby sharing or bitching and moaning.

xoxo

215 days, or 7 months

This Girl. She makes me proud, and she does not even know it yet.

As much as I miss the tiny baby she was, everyday is something new and makes us look forward to the next day and how she will amaze us.

She is crawling like nobody's business, much to the pugs' chagrin:

But her newest trick, as she is over half way through her 7th month, is to pull herself up to stand.

Now that she can stand, she thinks she can walk. She will take 2 steps and fall flat on her face! So we have now entered into the world of a bumpy, bruisey baby.

Check out that shiner from banging her head on  the leg of the dining room table.

My youngest brother walked at 8 1/2 months, I walked at 10. So if this girl gets going soon I cannot say I will be too surprised.

And the pugs (or the puppies as we call them to Avery)...she LOVES those darn dogs! And I have to say, I think the feeling is mutual.

That would be a "kiss" - she is not trying to bite the pug

Malcolm is a whore to the belly rub - even glance in the directions of his  underside, and you have a new best friend!

This was Avery's first Thanksgiving and I will need to come back and add pictures of her chowing down. (They are on my real camera which does not get unloaded often)
We went to Nana's for dinner and then dessert with my good friend Melissa and her awesome family.
Needless to say, Avery enjoyed her first turkey day, and all the new foods she got to try, so much, she followed it up with one funky diaper rash. Poor girl, there was a lot of nakey time in our house the following week.

We also went to visit Avery's great grandmother, Ryan's dad's mom, and Avery got to meet her 2nd cousin, Jackie for the first time. And although Avery has been showing signs of stranger anxiety - she could not get enough of her cousin!

Hmm, what else has this wonderful girl been up to?

She LOVES her swim lessons with her Aunt Amanda

Swinging may be her favorite....

Teeth! 2 on the bottom! If you look close at the pictures above, you just barely see them! I believe a couple more are on their way. She has her first cold :-( and added with the teething does not a happy baby make.

Gone are the days of the "baby" tub...this girl moves onto bigger and better fast! 

So instead of sitting in the tub, we have to STAND...

11 more days until Avery is 8 months old (and Christmas, in case you didn't realize). 

Little girl,

You make us laugh daily and this Christmas, you are the Joy to our World!

Love,

Yo Mama.

xoxo

How do you do it?

I hear this question a lot when I tell people I work full time, take college courses (to complete my BA in Communications) and have a baby. Oh, and a husband, house, and 3 pugs.

The first thing that I always think is how did my mom do it? She had 4 kids, no husband, a home triple the size of mine, 2 dogs, and she got her BS in Nursing at the age of 40.

She did it because she had no other option. Yes, my father provided the minimum support the county required and my grandparents were very generous but the daily grind was all on my mom. As the oldest, I took responsibilities for my younger siblings and I hope was a help to her. She knew she had to help herself, no one else was going to do it for her.

So, with her struggles, determination and motivation always in the back of my mind, I get this school thing done. I am blessed to have a husband that does more then I could ever ask for and (rarely) does not complain. I have one child, although a baby, a very good baby (says anyone who meets her) at that. I always say to myself, "If she can do it, I have NOT ONE excuse!"

Those were the words swirling in my head as I signed up for 4 classes this coming Spring semester. I have been taking 2 classes a semester but because these are my final 4 classes that I need to graduate and they are only offered in the Spring, I have to take them all now or wait an entire year to finish. At this point, i just want it over with and am willing to work my ass off the next 4+ months to do so.

I may look back on this post from time to time and remind myself on those days when I had a rough day at work, get home to a cranky baby, and then have to sit in class for 2.5 hours listening to a boring professor, that the light at the end of this tunnel is shining bright - I am almost there!

xoxo